Monday, March 27, 2006

Candidate #0000 - Post 18

40 days until graduation.

Song I’ve been listening to all day: “Blaue Augen” by Bluemchen
(Yes, I’ve rediscovered German ‘Eurotrash,’ as one of my friends would call it. I haven’t listened to this stuff since 1998, when I was a little sophomore in high school and obsessed with dancing. I actually bought the CD – The Dome Vol. 6 – only because it had Ricky Martin’s ‘The Cup of Life’ on it and my dance team was doing a routine to that song. But somehow listening to some of the other songs on the CD has been very therapeutic for me lately.)

Strangest development of the past few days:
So I’ve actually started watching basketball on TV. Me! Ms. I-don’t-even-know-what-a-3-pointer-is. Okay, so I haven’t really really been watching it. I only try to catch like the last ten minutes, so I know what’s been going on. But that’s a lot for me, because I usually don’t believe in watching any sports on TV (except for skiing of course but that’s part of being Austrian).


Okay, so here we go: I’ve been back from ACPA for 4 days. It’s been rough being back. I’ve been struggling to catch up on work, while I’m also fighting a bad case of “no motivation.”

On the job search front, the emotional roller coaster continues. I’ve gotten an offer for an on-campus interview – and I turned it down. It just really wasn’t the type of position that I’m looking for and I figure I’ve been unhappy with my job for long enough…I really need to find something I love again or I don’t know how much longer I’m going to make it. But of course, as soon as I had turned down the offer, the panic set in. What if this was the only on-campus interview I would be offered? What if this was my only chance and I screwed it up because I’m too obsessed with finding the perfect first job? Well, it doesn’t have to be perfect…just better than what I’m doing right now (and this isn’t asking for much, trust me).
Then, I got another on-campus interview. For a couple minutes, I was in seventh heaven. Then, panic set in again because now I had to tell them that I’m an international student. I had mentioned it in the interview at ACPA, but wasn’t sure if they realized what exactly that means. So I called back and brought that up and it went surprisingly well. They had actually figured that I would need sponsorship for a visa eventually and were prepared to help me with that. Yay! But of course, things couldn’t go that easy. After I had set up an on-campus interview with them, I realized that I had messed up the date and that I had a prior commitment on that date. So now I have to contact them and ask if I can reschedule. That’s going to make me look like an idiot! Way to go me!!!
I did get another on-campus interview and it was even from a school in California. Wow! I could feel a huge grin spreading across my face. But of course, once again, I hadn’t told them about me being an international student yet. I ended up e-mailing them this weekend. But now I’m freaking out that they may change their mind, once they realize what my particular situation is, or just tell me that they won’t be able to sponsor me for a visa next year…and what’s the point in working there for a year then? So once again, I’m panicking.

This emotional roller coaster is really making me sick. I spent most of the weekend in bed because I just had no energy to even get up. I’ve been trying to hide away – read a little Harry Potter in an attempt to forget about the real world, but even that hasn’t been successful. You know something is wrong with me when I can’t even escape into my Harry Potter dream world. I just really wish this whole process were over. I’m ready to know where I’ll be next year, ready to settle down in and relax in the knowledge that I’ll be in that position for at least two or three years, ready to sleep through the night without having crazy nightmares about messed up on-campus interviews and people telling me to ‘go back to my own country.’ I’m ready to have a life again!

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How frustrating - you want to stay in this country and I'd love to go work in yours, yet both of us are running into brick walls! Darn visas.

Hang in there - something good will turn up for you. One of our professors keeps saying "this or something better" when it comes to job searching. I'm sure something better is coming for you!

11:29 PM  

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